Showing posts with label my writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my writing. Show all posts

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

The Fear of Fraud: An Honest Reflection

I'm doing something a bit different here: I'm reflecting and confronting. I'm very vulnerable here, and am literally confronting some 'demons' that I've struggled with for a long time, inspired by those who have done so before me.

***

Beauty and the Beast is perhaps my favourite fairy tale. When I saw the contest hosted by Anne Elisabeth Stengl, my mind started racing with ideas.

However, I've struggled with a lot of things in the past few years--whispers that I'm not good enough, not original enough. That what I have is, in the end, not genuine. That I'm merely a copycat, that what I want to give to the world has already been done. That my voice, whatever it may be, shouldn't be shared because it has nothing new to give. I worried so much about being too much like others that, in the end, I couldn't find myself as a writer.

And in the end, I pounded out a story just because I couldn't let those whispers win--because if I didn't write something, I would indeed feel like a fraud. All the ideas I'd dreamed of earlier withered because I felt they were not original enough, and by the time I'd found the confidence to commit to one despite those whispers, I almost didn't finish it.

Obviously, the story I did end up writing did not win the contest. But I received a different kind of victory. A victory over the devil's lies, a victory over a plague of anxiety that has haunted me for months. And while the anxiety still lingers (and perhaps always will), I know myself again.

I am a writer.

And I will never stop writing--despite disappointment, despite desperation, despite the devil. To spite the devil.

Friday, 11 July 2014

By Request: Until Midnight

By the request of a young woman named Raechel on Pinterest, I have decided to share my short story, Until Midnight, with you all here on the blog. I wrote it last year for the Five Glass Slippers Contest hosted by Rooglewood Press. It retells Cinderella from the point of view of the eldest stepsister--who may be more of a fairy godmother than anything else...

While it is a novella, I have no intention of ever publishing it now; at the time, I enjoyed writing it, but it is definitely not my best work. However, I hope you will all gain some enjoyment from it! :) 

I will be posting it chapter-by-chapter, sometimes with two chapters to a post depending on how long they are.

So, without further ado, the first two chapters of Until Midnight.


Until Midnight
by Rebeka Borshevsky


(i)
Where It All Begins
When Maman told us we would be purchasing another servant, I did not expect my late stepfather’s daughter to be the unfortunate victim. Upon returning to the mansion after my usual afternoon carriage ride through Le Parc de Roses, I found my stepsister scrubbing the floor of the main hall. Light poured through the high, narrow windows, illuminating Elle’s golden curls.
I stopped, staring. “What are you doing that for? It’s the servant girl’s job.”
Elle looked at me with her mournful blue eyes, and my jaw dropped in that unladylike manner Maman detested. “Why?” I whispered.
She swallowed. “Papa left everything to your mother,” she said, her voice choked. “I have not a penny to my name.”
I blinked. Monsieur Renard must have been very ill—and Maman at her most manipulative. Stooping beside her, I said, “I’ll give you money.”
Her shoulders sagged. “Do you have any money to give?”
I gnawed my lower lip. “No,” I conceded. Maman was the one who doled out allowances.
She nodded. “There you go.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and sucked in a deep breath. “I will make the best of it.”
I left her there crying into the soapsuds and stormed into Monsieur Renard’s study. Maman sat at his old desk, twiddling a quill between her fingers as she studied accounts. “Eloise Gertrude D’Arcale, what did I tell you about stomping your feet?”
“What did you do to him?” I snarled, ignoring her reprimand.
She arched a perfectly shaped brow. “Do to whom?”
“Monsieur Renard! There’s no possible way he would have left everything to you and nothing to his only daughter!”
Her eyes flashed. “Why not?” she asked. “I am his wife and the mother of his children.”
“You don’t act like one to her,” I said. And we weren’t his children—just his stepchildren.
She sighed, tapping the end of her quill against the desk. “This is about that coachman again, isn’t it?”
I stiffened, a flush creeping over my neck. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She snorted—a delicate snort, as was becoming of one of her station. “He approached me to ask for your hand in marriage,” she said.
Idiot. I bit back a scowl, hiding clenched fists behind my skirts.
“I refused,” she continued, watching me from the corner of her eye.
I’d expected as much. If mon père was still alive, he would have welcomed the match. Michael was an honest man, a hard worker, and most of all, he respected me. Papa would have preferred I marry a good poor man than a rich cruel one who would only parade me around to feed his own vanity.
Maman’s sights soared far higher than Papa’s modest wishes for my future.
I shrugged. Michael had refused on the grounds of honour to elope with me. So here we were, waiting. But I would not allow Maman to see how much her words affected me and let her win yet another battle.
“I’m sure he will be sorely disappointed,” I said.
Her lips twitched with a frown when I did not give her the outburst she’d wanted. I almost smiled.
(ii)
A Noblewoman and Her Coachman
The next afternoon, following lessons with my tutor, I ventured into the city. Unlike most noblewomen, I sat atop the box with the driver for the company. I gripped the seat as the carriage jolted over the cobbles, swerving around sharp corners and sending my hat flying into the air. I snatched it back, pulling it over my trundled curls.
We passed girls selling flowers on corners, clothed in bright-coloured rags. Shops lined the street—dressmakers and candlestick makers and the bakery. The rich aroma of fresh baked bread made my mouth water. I leaned out, inhaling deeply and closing my eyes to savour the flavour. Warmth fell across my eyelashes, the sun smiling down on us from his court in the bright blue sky.
Beside me, Michael sat as straight and stiff as a horse whip. I ignored him, focusing on the greenery of Le Parc de Roses as it appeared to my right. Birds chattered from the trees, squirrels dashing across the vibrant lawns. It was the nicest spot in the city of Avive, full of benches on which to perch and peruse a book. Many an afternoon I had done just that, lost in another world as la Seine gurgled past my feet on its path to the palace.
We turned through the gates onto a side avenue of Le Parc, the trees casting cool shadows over our heads. It was quiet and private here, so I dared remove my hat and use it to fan my face.
Michael slumped back, scuffing his toe along the rim of the box. “She said no.”
“I told you not to ask her.” I pulled a book out of my satchel and flipped through it.
“What was I supposed to do? Elope with you and be dragged to jail for abducting a noblewoman?”
I scowled. “It’s hardly abducting. I would go quite willingly. I am twenty-one years old, for pity’s sake. I’m surprised Maman hasn’t despaired of marrying me off and forced me into servitude.” My tone was sharper than I’d intended.
Michael’s expression softened. “I’m sorry to hear about Elle,” he said. “The poor girl.”
“Penniless,” I spat. “And Maman lavishes money on dresses and makeup for Ilyse and I while refusing me the only thing I want.”
Michael shifted. I knew he wanted to wrap his arm around me to offer comfort, but it was improper when we were alone and had not even the hope of a future betrothal. I looked into his tanned, laugh-lined face. His dark brown hair was streaked with sunlight. His brown eyes regarded me with the same intelligent thoughtfulness as always, but this time there was an element of sorrow.
“I fear I may have to request being moved to a new family,” he said quietly.
My throat choked up. The mere finger-length of distance between us suddenly felt far wider. “Why?”
“Because if I continue in your employ, I fear I may do something we’ll both regret later.” He sighed. “I want to marry you, but to have you dangled in front of my face and told I can’t—” He looked at me, his face grave. “It’s torture for a man in love.”
I nodded. “I understand,” I said. “I—” I broke off. I would not tell him how much I’d miss our daily rambles in Le Parc de Roses, chatting about politics and literature and music while laughing at the nobility’s ridiculous sense of fashion these days. To ponder what we’d lose would only make everything more difficult.
“How….how long do you think it will take you to find a new situation?” I croaked.
“It depends. It could be anywhere between a day and a month. But I will start looking now.”
I turned to stare at the trees, which all blurred together as we went by. Something fell into my lap.
A copy of Love and War by Petrov Skimov, a prevalent writer from the empire of Rus to the east. When his novel had first been translated, it had been all the rage.
I’d read it in its original form, before it became a hit in Avive and the rest of Freanc.
It was the book that brought Michael and I together. When I had passed the stable and spied a lowly coach boy reading the novel in its difficult Rusian language, my interest had been piqued. We’d maintained a close friendship ever since, but it wasn’t until mon père had died and Maman married Monsieur Renard that I realized how much Michael meant to me. He had come with us to Monsieur Renard’s mansion, and I’d naively believed we would somehow be together forever.
Now I gripped the novel in my hands and clutched it to my heart.
“‘Love without war in the soul is not love at all’,” Michael quoted.
I sniffled. “‘And love that bests that war is the best one of all’,” I quoted back.

“This is not the end yet,” he said, taking the reins in hand. “Unless we let it be.” And with a cluck to the horse, we sprang forward into a gallop. My hat flew off and my curls tumbled from their careful pins on top of my head. This time I let them all fall and leaned forward to kiss the wind.

Til Next Time...

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

What I'm Writing Now: Entry #1



Hey there, folks! It's contest time again, and that means, of course, I am pretty busy attempting to come up with novellas. This year, I'm forcing myself to only focus on two projects until they're completed, though I have ideas for a few more. But I'm determined to submit more than one this year--and that means discipline!

So, I'm going to share a bit about my two stories on this blog, now that the ideas for them have solidified into actual write-ableness.

Today I'm going to share about the first, and the one I'm currently writing, which is entitled...

A TITHE OF THORNS

Cover by the ever-talented HANNAH WILLIAMS

Ruta is a young woman determined to serve the Creator she loves by becoming a missionary to the World Beyond the Sea. But first, she must pass her uncle's test: she must serve a Penitent, an ex-criminal undergoing severe penance to show his remorse and desire to re-enter society. The challenge will test Ruta's faith in ways she can never imagine--especially since Favian, her Penitent, is far more than he seems... And not only could this cost her heart, it could cost her life--or her soul.

INSPIRATION

This story comes out of many places and tales--it combines the tales of Beauty and the Beast, Bearskin, and the eerie legend of Faust. Originally Ruta was going to be an innkeeper's daughter, but eventually my own interest in missions--and love of The Sound of Music--crept in. Now Ruta is something of a mix between a novice nun and a missionary. Some of my German and French heritage has also offered itself up setting-wise. And hints of The Hunchback of Notre Dame inevitably worked their way in to my ideas for the climax. This is a story with many threads woven from what I love--and I hope to share it with you all!

CHARACTERS

Since I don't want to spoil the story too much, I won't share a whole lot about my characters--just the two main ones.

Her looks were partially inspired by this beautiful piece of art.
Ruta Albrecht

Despite wishing to become a missionary, Ruta lacks some of the patience and compassion necessary for such a feat. To test her, her uncle orders her to serve a Penitent. His reasoning: "Before you can save souls, you must care about souls." Unfortunately for Ruta, her time with Favian stretches her to the breaking point...


Was inspired partially for his appearance by this picture.
Favian Rosengart

For the majority of the story, Favian looks nothing like his normally handsome self--in fact, he looks more like a Beast. At first, Ruta and others assume he is a Penitent due to his appearance: long, unshaved hair and beard, untrimmed fingernails, and the horrid bearskin he has to wear all the time. Not to mention the smell. But Favian has far more intriguing--and sinister--reasons behind his looks... And the closer he gets to Ruta, the more sinister the consequences become.

***

You can find the Pinterest board for this story here.

EXCERPT

This is just the smallest of excerpts, and it's from my outline, so it may not even make it into the story. But it gives you a bit of time with dear Ruta:

“As part of your training, Ruta, you will serve a Penitant for the span of one year,” her uncle said, his finger tracing the beads of his prayer chain.

A shiver traced its course along her spine. Raising her gaze to meet her uncle's, she fought against the protest battering the back of her teeth. He watched her struggle, a smile hidden in the tweaking corners of his lips.

“Why?” she blurted out at last.

Sinking back, he clasped his hands together before him. “Because before you can start saving souls,” he said, “you must care about souls. And there are few souls more in need of your care than Penitents. And there are few souls who will test your care more than they. If you can finish your year with more love in your heart than when you began, you will be ready to go beyond the known world.”

***
That's all for me right now--keep watch later on for a post about my second entry! :) What are you all writing these days?

Saturday, 7 June 2014

Short Story: The Forest of Shadows and Souls

Happy Saturday, dear readers! Following the tradition of many other bloggers I very much admire, I've decided to share with you a little short story I wrote a few years back--very rough and unpolished, but there are ideas in it that I love writing about. The desperate nature of humanity, guilt...redemption. I hope you enjoy it--it's rather eerie, if I do say so myself. 


From Pinterest

THE FOREST OF SHADOWS AND SOULS
Rebeka B.

The village lies on the north side of the Forest of Shadows and Souls. No one visits there, and no one leaves there. Not even the oldest villager can remember when the Forest appeared, but all remember the day the first child wandered in and never came back.

That was long ago, and her name is long forgotten, as are the names of the many children who followed her. And not just children. Young men and women, the elderly and the weak – something about the trees and their deceitful whispers draws people in.

Only one girl has ever entered its depths to return.

Her name is Salome.

At least, that is what people think.

“Mary has disappeared! What if the Shadows have gotten her?”

“Go to Salome. She can bring her back.”

“My father has wandered off.”

“Salome will find him. She’s the only one who can. She knows the Shadow Forest better than anybody.”

And she does, but at a price.

“Where does Salome live?”

“In a little hut at the edge of the village. She lives there with her sister, Rose. Be careful, though. She’s a bit odd.”

“No wonder, after what she must have gone through to survive that wretched place.”

Yet the villagers always come, not pausing to wonder how their endless demands might affect the girl whose memories never end in sleep. She stands by her door every day, waiting. Because she knows that even when she fails, she is their only hope. Even when all she can bring back is the tattered red hood of a vanished child, she still offers closure.

“Why do you do it, Salome?” her sister asks. “It kills you. You look horrible.”

Salome turns her head, a faint smile tugging her lips. Once she might have been beautiful, but now you have to squint to see what men once saw. A full mouth has tightened and thinned, deep blue eyes have been worn down by restless nights. Her white-blonde hair now lies under her bed in a box.

When Salome does not answer but for that enigmatic smile, Rose remarks, “You haven’t been the same since you returned from the forest.”

Who ever is? But then, who has returned? Salome shrugs and rubs her bald head, the roughness of returning hair scratching against her palm. It is Velnian tradition that a woman must grow her hair until she weds. Salome is wed to her duty.

She is wed to her guilt.

Rose sighs over this. She often wishes her older sister could flirt and smile like any other girl. Beyond this village, there is no existence for them. Why deny yourself the little pleasure life affords? “You need a man to lighten you up,” she says, puttering about the kitchen.

Salome does not flinch. When she first returned from the forest, Rose’s remarks upset her. Now she knows they are as empty as the cooking pot – as empty as her heart.

“Rose?” she asks.

“Yes?” The younger girl drops onto a bench, flipping out her hair and staring at Salome expectantly. If she wishes for some light-hearted banter, she will be disappointed.

“Do you know why the Shadows want the villagers?”

Rose’s face darkens. Yet there is a curious light to her eyes as well – fear masked by questioning. Salome can tell. It has been one of the effects of the forest; she sees things differently – how shadowed the world is instead of enlightened. Shadows do not exist because of sunlight, but the sun was created to counteract the shadows. Shadows are everywhere, even where sunlight cannot reach. “Why?” Rose breathes.

Salome shivers. She has not told this to anyone. It weighs on her, burdening her with a secret too vital not to share. “So the shadows may become human.” There. It is out of her. She gasps for breath, feeling like a traitor, and yet not traitorous enough.

Rose sits up. “Why would they want to do that?”

“To gain souls. Shadows might live forever – but one day the world will end, and they will with it. Human souls last beyond the end of the world – into the next life and beyond.” Her body tingles with the thrill of truth. She’s had these words memorized since before she learned to talk.

Rose stares at her hands. “They’re monsters.”

Salome winces. “Not all of them.”

Rose inhales sharply. “They took Mother and Father.”

“Yes,” Salome says carefully. “But do you not feel sorry for them, a little? One day they will be extinguished.”

“Oh really? What about the ones who stole Mother and Father’s souls? They’ll still exist! It’s Mother and Father who will perish!” Rose begins to sob.

Salome stands still, waiting for the weeping to pass. Part of her whispers to embrace the girl crying on the bench, but she pushes it away. A knock echoes through the hovel, and with a sigh of relief, she walks to the door.

“Salome?” She glances over her shoulder at Rose’s question.

“Yes?”

“Did the Shadows hurt you very much, when they captured you?”

Salome stiffens. The truth wheedles her, pricks her with shame. Murderer. “Yes,” she says. Her voice cracks. She clears her throat and opens the door.

#

The forest towers over Salome’s head. She is not afraid of the trees, of the monsters lurking beneath their leaves. What frightens her are the memories wafting through the air – the screams, the pleas, the struggle of a maiden to keep her life.

Already she sees the girl’s ghost wafting through the trees, a strand of mist trapped in this world. Her soul, and body with it, has been stolen, keeping her here until the world ends and she along with it.

As always, she approaches as Salome enters the woods. Deep blue eyes watch as Salome dodges shadows and tries to pick up an old man’s trail. But she is distracted by the white-blonde hair trailing down the ghost’s back, fluttering in a breeze.

The ghost smiles that enigmatic smile and rubs her head.

Salome straightens, chills creeping up her spine. “I’m sorry,” she says. “But I can’t give it back.”

The ghost says nothing. But the leaves stir in the wind, whispering, Murderer.

Salome flinches. If she had known that the longer Shadows remain human, the more vulnerable they become, she may never have ventured to steal the ghost’s soul. To steal the true Salome’s body.

“Salome?”

The ghost flickers, and Salome whirls around.

Rose stands there, a torch in her hand and a dagger dangling from her fingers. “You forgot your…” Her eyes widen. Salome realizes she can see the ghost, can see what was once her sister. In that moment, Rose knows the truth. Salome’s knees buckle with relief. The time of pondering death and clinging to her miserable existence is at an end. No longer must she float between salvation and life.

Now she can decide. She chooses salvation, if such a thing is possible for a monster. Her body hits the ground and she closes her eyes. The last thing she sees is the glimmer of a dagger hovering overhead. The last thing she hears is a scream. What she does not see is another shadow rising from the ground, waiting for its chance.

#

The village lies on the north side of the Forest of Shadows and Souls. No one visits there, and no one leaves there. Not even the oldest villager can remember when the Forest appeared, but all remember the day the first child wandered in and never came back.

That was long ago, and her name is long forgotten, as are the names of the many children who followed her. And not just children. Young men and women, the elderly and the weak – something about the trees and their deceitful whispers draws people in.

Only two girls have ever entered its depths to return.

One’s name was Salome. Now nobody knows where she is. One day she went into the forest and never came back.

The other’s name is Rose.

At least, that is what people think. But leave them with their thoughts, because often it is too painful to dig into the truth. If they did, they might know what is obvious to you and me, dear readers: Often only the shadow of a person is left to tell the tale.